简单的英语幽默小故事

简单的英语幽默小故事

1

Mr. Jones had a few days’ holiday, so he said, “I’m going to go to the mountains by train.” He put on his best clothes, took a small bag, went to the station and got on the train. He had a beautiful hat, and he often put his head out of the window during the trip and looked at the mountains. But the wind pulled his hat off.

Mr. Jones quickly took his old bag and threw that out of the window too.

The other people in the carriage laughed. “Is your bag going to bring your beautiful hat back?” they asked.

“No,” Mr. Jones answered, “but there’s no name and no address in my hat, and there’s a name and address on the bag. Someone’s going to find both of them near each other, and he’s going to send me the bag and the hat.”

2

An old lady went out shopping last Tuesday. She came to a bank and saw a car near the door. A man got out of it and went into the bank. She looked into the car. The keys were in the lock.

The old lady took the keys and followed the man into the bank.

The man took a gun out of his pocket and said to the clerk, “Give me all the money.”

But the old lady did not see this. She went to the man, put the keys in his hand and said, “Young man, you’re stupid! Never leave your keys in your car: someone’s going to steal it!”

The man looked at the old woman for a few seconds. Then he looked at the clerk—and then he took his keys, ran out of the bank, got into his car and drove away quickly, without any money.

3

Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old. Last year her mother said to her, “You’re six years old now, Mary, and you’re going to begin going to a school here. You’re going to like it very much, because it’s a nice school.”

“Is it an English school?” Mary asked.“Yes, it is,” her mother said.

Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon. Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o’clock, and Mary ran out of her class.

“We’ve got a new girl in our class today, Mummy,” she said. “She’s six years old too, and she’s very nice, but she isn’t English. She’s German.”

“Does she speak English?” Mary’s mother asked.“No, but she laughs in English,” Mary said happily.

4

Mrs. Jones did not have a husband, but she had two sons. They were big, strong boys, but they were lazy. On Saturdays they did not go to school, and then their mother always said, “Please cut the grass in the garden this afternoon, boys.” The boys did not like it, but they always did it.

Then somebody gave one of the boys a magazine, and they saw a picture of a beautiful lawn-mower in it. There was a seat on it, and there was a woman on the seat.

The boy took the picture to his mother and brother and said to them, “Look, that woman’s sitting on the lawn-mower and driving it and cutting the grass. We want one of those.”

“One of those lawn-mowers?” his mother asked. “No,” the boy said. “We want one of those women. Then she can cut grass every week.”

5

One of Harry’s feet was bigger and the other. “I can never find boots and shoes for my feet,” he said to his friend Dick.

“Why don’t you go to a shoemaker?” Dick said. “A good one can make you the right shoes.”

“I’ve never been to a shoemaker,” Harry said. “Aren’t they very expensive?”

“No,” Dick said,

“some of them aren’t. There’s a good one in our village, and he’s quite cheap. Here’s his address.” He wrote something on a piece of paper and gave it to Harry.

Harry went to the shoemaker in Dick’s village a few days later, and the shoemaker made him some shoes.

Harry went to the shop again a week later and looked at the shoes. Then he said to the shoemaker angrily, “You’re a silly man! I said, ‘Make one shoe bigger than the other,’ but you’ve made one smaller than the other!”

6

Mr. Jones had a few days’ holiday, so he said, “I’m going to go to the mountains by train.” He put on his best clothes, took a small bag, went to the

station and got on the train. He had a beautiful hat, and he often put his head out of the window during the trip and looked at the mountains. But the wind pulled his hat off.

Mr. Jones quickly took his old bag and threw that out of the window too.

The other people in the carriage laughed. “Is your bag going to bring your beautiful hat back?” they asked.

“No,” Mr. Jones answered, “but there’s no name and no address in my hat, and there’s a name and address on the bag. Someone’s going to find both of them near each other, and he’s going to send me the bag and the hat.”